beliefovermisery | (no subject)

Current Mood: exhausted

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Eventually bullied into lying down and closing his eyes, Sokka has a hard time getting to sleep. But each time an idea forms, a new project, something he has to write down, there's someone there to push him down the second he pops up. After so many scoldings, so many hours of sleepless work, he does eventually conk out.

It's a deep sleep. Not a dreamless one.

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Her eyes were wide and perhaps a little scared.

"What did--how did--?"

A pause and she went to the water's edge and reached out, concentrated hard, trying to tap into that feeling she'd had when the ice cracked, that cold, flowing, wonderful feeling.

She waved her hand upward, upward, tugging and pulling, and some of the water spiraled upwards.

"Sokka! Sokka, look! Look what I'm doing! I'm bending!"

His crankiness would not and could not dampen her joy.

He remembered trying to stay angry.

He remembered failing, too.

He remembered staying outside and nearly freezing to death, refusing to leave her side as she played with the water, joining in her laughter and her joy when she succeeded...

Katara was twelve now and Sokka was thirteen and their father had left for the ships. Gran-gran was off consoling some of the other women.

And Katara sat there, glaring at her brother in his war paint, as he packed his things, petting Flo the highly flammable cat-seal.

GranGran was there. That's what he told himself - GranGran was there and she would look after Katara. He couldn't spend his whole life watching over her, not when there were other people to protect, not when there were bigger threats out there.

GranGran was strong. She would watch her.

So he put his boomerang in its sling and packed and-- ignored the singing guilt that came from her eyes.

Eventually, when he happened to glance her way, she said quietly:

"You promised."

He didn't flinch. He would have now, but then... the only break was in his heart.

"They need everyone, Katara. I can't just stay here while they fight. I'm old enough, I can fight."

"No, you aren't," she said, frowning. "And if you're old enough, then I'm old enough to go--and I'm a Waterbender."

His chin lifted sharply and he scowled at her. "You are not - you aren't even trained! You still ice yourself more often than your targets!

"You're staying here where it's safe." Where she's safe, protected by their tribe.

"I'm only a year younger than you!" she protested. "And if I should stay here safe, you should too."

"But I'm trained!" he snapped back, eyes up and glaring at her. Don't make it harder than it already is, he has to choose between his sister and his father already. "I'm a man of the tribe and I should go, just like the rest of us! I don't want the Fire Nation coming back here, do you?!"

"No! But I don't want you to go to them either," she said plaintively, burying her face in Flo's neck.

If something happened, and he and dad didn't come back, all she would have left was gran-gran.

His face had fallen and he dropped the rope he held, holding out a hand to her.

"Come here."

She stood up slowly and walked over.

"Why? So you can just say goodbye to me and then leave?"

"No."

He took her hand and pulled out his knife. He knew then, knew now she hated blood, so he cut her palm first, a small slice, barely an inch. He mirrored the cut on his hand and then clasped hers tightly in both of his, blood mingling, his free hand holding them together.

His eyes found hers and held them.

"We've share blood with our parents, Katara - now we share it with each other. I'm coming back. But I can't stay here when I can go and make sure you don't get hurt again."

"Ow! Ew, gross, Sokka!" she said, but it was important, and after he said that, she leaned in so that her forehead rested on his chest and mumbled, "I don't care, I still don't want you to go. I'll miss you."

"You're such a girl," he'd muttered, rolling his eyes and keeping his hands tight on hers. But he sobers quickly, using the uncut hand to pet her hair when she leans against him.

"I'll miss you, too..." he pauses before he uses it, this word he knew but never said, "...nukka.

"But I don't want you hurt."

And he didn't want to lose his father, didn't want to be a man of the tribe at such a young age.

She was silent now--a rare occurance in their household-- and then she pulled away and went over to sit down next to Flo, her back turned to him as he finished getting ready.

Cupun, seeming to sense that something was amiss, waddled over and nipped Sokka on the leg.

He didn't shout - he didn't even swat at the stupid penguin. For the first time, he ignored the slight and stood, picking up his pack. It was too big for his arms, but it was no less than what the other men were bringing and he had to keep up...

He wanted to tug her braid, to say he was kidding, to bring her along because someone would need to irritate him on the trip...

But he left.

When he came back hours later, he had laid down on his sleep roll and ignored her questions. It was the first time he'd cried since the raid, in his father's arms. He wouldn't do it again.

The next morning, she would not let him out of her sight, as if doing so would make him disappear just like everyone else in her life.

Katara needed her big brother.

And he needed her, she reminded him, as they were walking across the ice towards their boat, two years older. She was pretty good at catching fish every so often with her bending, and sometimes, well, she did just like to get out of the hut.

"--I want to come!"

"No, Katara," he snapped, his spear over his shoulder as he headed toward the canoes. He knew he wouldn't have been so short with her if he hadn't lost sleep last night, putting Flo out again. His blankets had been singed and he was cold the rest of the night, but...

"Fishing is a man's job! And you said you still had mending to do!"

The part that knew this was a dream winced.

"But I can catch more fish than you sometimes!" she pointed out, frowning. "And I finished the mending anyway!"

"Well, you're distracting! And-- a girl!"

When in doubt, fall back on that.

But, of course, she had come with him. And what happened after...

It happened just like it had happened. They nearly caught some fish, they argued, their boat got caught up in the currents and got crushed in the ice.

But this time, they didn't get up, argue, and find Aang.

This time as they went sliding onto the ice, Katara slipped off into the icy water.

"Sokka!" she burbled, trying to claw her way back onto it, and kept slipping off. "Help me!"

This was different. This was wrong.

He watched her slide, felt his arm give around her. He remembered it being tight, holding her close, clinging to the ice himself with one hand, but she slipped.

He watched her slide...

But didn't reach.

The part that knew it was a dream screamed in his mind, but really... he watched her slide into the ice, the freezing cold... he watched...

"Sokka!" her voice was hysterical and shaky from the cold. "Sok--S-s-sokka, p-please!"

Her eyes welled up with tears that froze on her face--she was freezing all over, ice spreading up her skin and over her face, tinging her lips blue. Frost clung to her eyelashes.

"You-you p-promised! You p-promised y-y-you would protect me!"

And then her hands slipped off the ice and she disappeared under the water.

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notanoptimist.livejournal.com - 2006-05-22 08:02 (UTC) - Expand

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