beliefovermisery | Over in ol' 106.

Entry tags:

katara,
sokka

Over in ol' 106.

Mel had forgiven him and that was huge. Sure, she hadn't said it in so many words, but she'd hugged him, held on, smiled...

It was more than he could have asked for.

On the other hand, Zuko couldn't look at him without sincere disgust on his face, Paige had been avoiding him since... well, since, and he hadn't spoken to Katara since the council ended.

He'd spoken to Jim, though. That alone had made their comparable silences before bed all the more awkward.

He's in their room now, though, coming down from one of the higher floors. He's not sure what he's supposed to be doing - if he's allowed in the engineering room anymore, allowed outside the building to train, and he doesn't want to search Paige out, so... He goes to the top floors, exercises by himself, wears himself down, sketches in his book, eats when he can and... thinks.

Now? Washing his face. Thinking is tiring work.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There was the sound of things being shuffled around in their room, like someone was rooting through something. If he stepped out of the bathroom, he'd find Katara folding clothes and gathering her things.

Conveniently, he is doing just that, a hand towel up to dry his face and-- he blinks at her.

"...What are you doing?"

He sounds tired-- and fairly certain he won't like the answer.

"I'm--urg--moving to a new room," she said, tugging one of her shirts free from a pile of dirty laundry.

That-- wasn't what he expected. It makes him blink at her, obviously surprised for a few moments.

"...What?"

He can count the nights they've spent apart on one hand.

"I think it would...be a good idea. I'll keep checking in every hour like I'm supposed to, and then you can have Paige in here, and I just...think it's a good idea." She started stuffing clothes into her little cloth sack.

Paige, who hasn't spoken to or looked at him since he pretty much--

He watches her from the doorway and doesn't notice when the towel in his hand is gripped very, very tightly.

"Why?"

"We haven't...we haven't been talking anyway, and I just...I need to be alone. Just for a while."

So that every time she saw him, she didn't see a face filled with disappointment and disgust staring back at her.

Not disgust. Disappointment, sadness, confused - not disgust.

Need to be alone. When did they ever need to be alone?

"...Can I ask you something?" he says quietly, calmly, and looks down at the towel in his hand.

She looked up briefly, to give him the tiniest of nods as she folded her things to pack them away.

"When was it, exactly, when family started coming in second to you?" He looks up at her, eyes sad but otherwise blank, voice soft and calm. "Was it after Mom died? Before? After?"

It was worse than a shout or an insult. She just winced, her head hanging and turned away, unable to talk. There was a cold lump in her throat that made it hard to breathe.

Her hands shook, but her packing was faster.

"No, don't--" He's walking over, ready to take her hands to stop her, jaw setting. He isn't yelling, he doesn't have the energy to, but his gaze won't let her go.

"I mean it. How were you able to give us up so easily, for Aang? Why weren't you on my side when I first told you about Jet? Why doesn't anything that Harth's done to us mean anything to you?

"Why is his soul more important than our lives?"

Than his life.

"I don't--I--" She swallowed and kept trying to tuck her things away, hair hanging in her face. Sucking in a gasping breath, she just went silent again and kept packing.

"Don't." His voice is harder now, a note of desperation and he takes her hands in his, won't let her get away. Jaw set, face twisted - he needs to know.

"Tell me why, Katara. Tell me how. Is it because she died? Because Dad left? Because I promised to look after you? Because you knew I wouldn't leave, no matter what you did? Did you know I'd follow you and Aang, no matter what I told you? Did you think if you argued with me enough, I'd make friends with Jet? If you found enough experts on vampires, I'd be on your side with Harth?

"Is it because I've never left?"

Desperate to get away, she tried to wrench her hands from his grasp.

"Sokka, let go of me."

"No!"

It's been too much, too fast. Harth's taunts and Katara's pleas, Mel's quiet anger and Zuko's outspoken blame.

...Paige's silence.

"Tell me, Katara, just tell me how you do it! You owe me that much, at least!"

"I don't!"

She made a valiant effort not to cry.

"I didn't leave you for Aang! I wanted to, but I didn't, because I didn't want to hurt you and gran-gran! And you already decided we were going to leave to help him before I did! Gran-gran decided it, too!"

"I didn't want to believe Jet was bad because of all the good he did, because he gave that whole village of orphans hope. As soon as I found out he was, as soon as I saw the village flooded, I fought him and tried to hurt him because he used me--but mostly because I was afraid of what he'd done to you!

And Harth's soul isn't more important to me than your lives, and I haven't forgotten what he did. I want--I just want--I started to love him like he was my family, too. I want to save--I want everyone to be safe, I want--"

When she looked at him, she looked at him with the eyes of a madwoman--of someone who wanted to save everyone she loved, who wanted them all safe, and who was half-crazed from the sheer, overwhelming impossibility of it.

She wanted to save everyone...and it was pulling her in different directions and tearing her apart.

Still holding her hands, his brows knit, jaw set and eyes wide, and he's...

Afraid for her. Of what he sees in her eyes, of how she speaks about saving everyone. And his hands slide from hers, take hold of her face and he shakes his head, anger replaced with pure, honest concern.

"Katara... nukka, you can't. You can't save everyone. And that doesn't make it your fault, it's just-- it's impossible and taking it all on yourself doesn't make it right, it's just...

"You just can't."

"I have to try. I can't...I can't live with myself if I don't at least try. It isn't that I love him more than you. I can't live with myself if I didn't--I have to try. Even if it meant...he ran away and never bothered anyone here again...then he wouldn't be hurting anyone, he wouldn't be hurting you, or Mel, or Zuko but he'd have a choice, too, he wouldn't have to be a monster--"

"But he is one now."

His voice stays gentle, but there is a hint of steel to the last word, no room for argument. His hands move to her shoulders, supporting. "You're not giving the boy time, Katara, you're giving it to the monster. You've seen what he's done to Zuko, to Mel, you know what he did to me... what he did to you," his eyes drop, briefly, to her throat where bite scars peek out from beneath her necklace.

"If Harth is saved, but someone dies in the process... could you live with yourself then?"

"I...I couldn't. But I thought, the other night, I thought we really had him trapped. I didn't even want you to stay outside with him--I wanted to, because it was dangerous, but I knew you wouldn't let me. I didn't want him to go free to hurt anyone else--I thought--I thought we could finally end it."

And in the way she hoped it would end, too.

His eyes don't move from her, listening but not letting her free of his gaze. "He had Magog attack me so he could get away, Katara. He doesn't care about our lives. Giving him that time, assuming he was trapped...

"He will always use someone else as a shield, Katara. The only way you can keep everyone else safe is to make sure he's gone."

"No. There has to be some other way..."

"The only other ways kill other people." He's frowning sligtly, slowly getting frustrated and he doesn't want to take it out on her, but it's so hard not to.

"Between all these people and him..."

"Well, it doesn't matter now anyway, does it," she said, finally wrenching her hands away and gathering the last of her things. "Because there's nothing I can do, and they'll just kill him and that will be that. Everyone will be safe."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject